Why I Did It and How I Did It.

Jetliners are flying homes!  They provide everything you need to live except a shower and a clothes washer, which are easy to install.  They're fabricated at aerospace technology levels with performance metrics which are far superior to ordinary homes.  And during normal times they retire at the rate of about three every day.

Mostly they're just flown to a scrapyard and shredded.

At the very same time, on the very same planet, the very same species wanders around in places like that (pointing toward a forest).  They gather sticks.  Then they take the sticks someplace and pound them together with metal spikes to make homes.  Primitive, even for our species!  So, on planet Earth there are groups of people pounding sticks together with metal spikes to make primitive homes.  At the very same time, on the very same planet, the very same species shreds the planet's finest aerospace class flying homes!

It's completely irrational!  And it'll stop someday in my estimation.  But first a really gorgeous, compelling example of the vision is needed.  But this isn't it, because I made a key mistake on the front end:  I partnered with one of the shredders!

Lots of emails messages were exchanged but it all boils down to a little conversation sort of like this:  "Hello, I'm shopping for a home.  How would you like to obliterate a home, just completely destroy it, and I'll give you my good, hard-earned money for the rubble which is left?"  They of course said:  (Chuckling with opportunistic glee) "Pardon me, buddy.  Uh, yes, sure - that'd be fine with us, buddy.  We'd be happy to take your good, hard-earned money for our rubble, no problem at all!  Uh, when do we start?"  It was a stupid mistake and I'll never do it again.  I recommend that nobody else consider such a partnership either.

And we're not doing it with version 2.0.  If I can proceed with that project the end result will be a fully intact, fully functional jetliner, except that we might remove the engines, but if we do they'll be removed by strict service procedure by a service crew.  No salvage company will be involved.

But alas, in this case I partnered with a salvage company...

They flew the aircraft from Athens International Airport in Greece where it retired to Hillsboro Airport, about 20 kilometers away, the nearest facility which can accommodate aircraft of this size, where it landed.  Our team towed it across Cornell Road to the Hillsboro Fair complex, adjacent property where heavy work could be performed.  Then the salvage company did their thing:  They removed the engines, the APU, actuators of all kinds, avionics, electronics, infrastructure everywhere, and it was a brutal process.  Because, after all, they're wreckers!   That's what they do - they destroyed things!  It was a terrible partnership concept - never again.

Once they finished my team and I cut the wings off just barely outboard of the landing gear spars, so the landing gear are still at native strength.  And we cut the tail off just slightly below the top line of the fuselage.  Then we mechanically separated the stabilator section from the vertical section.

So we had four flat components, two wing components and two tail components.  Those were loaded onto ordinary flatbed trailers.  They were wide loads so we had to acquire permits and provide pilot cars forward and aft, but it was easy to transport those.

The fuselage however was still just a tad too long for our route, but just a tiny bit.  So we removed the radome.  That was quick, easy, and non-destructive and reduced the length by about a meter.  Not worth bothering with normally, but in this case it got us over the threshold - we could just squeeze though our route with radome off.

Then we retracted all three landing gear and lowered the fuselage onto house moving dollies, which are short, but strong and steerable, a critical advantage we required but is not provided by the main gear.

Then, by towing, we fished our way through a very, very carefully planned route through downtown Hillsboro with just centimeters to spare!  Then south on Highway 219, onto my neighbor's property on my east side, then through the path cut in my forest you may have noticed as you drove up my road for the final leg, then started reassembling. 

But for version 2.0, and this is what I recommend for everyone, we have a clear towing path, wing tip to wing tip, from the airport to the home site.  So there'll be no disassembly.  That's much easier, quicker, safer, cheaper, and yields a much finer result.

So that's how this happened

Okay.  The next story if you like:

You Can Do It Too!

You can do it too!  And much better than I did.  Here's what I recommend:

Find a couple of acres of land or more where you'd like to live.  Like maybe New Zealand for example.  Kiwis have shown more interest in this vision than any other country on Earth in the early days and they have good tangible reason to be interested.

But wherever it is, find a couple of acres of land or more where you'd like to live next to a big ranch .  Or a big farm .

Make friends with your neighbors - get chummy with your neighbors!  And if one of your neighbors is eager to buy a new tractor but they're a little squeezed for cash, help them over the threshold so they can buy their new tractor in exchange for:  Use of one section of their property for one day.  Then go down to Mojave or Victorville in California.  Or Australia has a boneyard if you're setting up in New Zealand.  Chat with folks there.  Write a check for $35 K, set it on the counter, and they'll give you full ownership title to a fully intact, fully operational , except engines, MD 80 or MD 90 class jetliner.  It's now your baby, you own it, it's yours!

You'll need engines.  I recommend outright purchase of engines if you can.  They might be pretty cheap for that era of jetliner.  But leasing is an option.  If you lease maybe $15 K for a couple of weeks of use.  So you're up to about $50 K now.  And you'll need fuel.  If you come to this area about $10 K, maybe 15 K for Australia to Zealand.

So you're up to 60 or 65 thousand dollars now.  And you'll need a ferry crew, maybe two and a half to five thousand, say $5 K.  So you're up to about 65 or 70 thousand dollars now.  Allocate another 50% because in addition to the big ticket items you'll have lots of minor expenses as well.  So about 100 to 105 thousand dollars.  Get all that arranged.

Then the ferry crew will fly your aircraft from Mojave, Victorville, or Australia to your neighbor's property and land on your neighbor's property.  They'll notice a bright shiny new red tractor alongside as they're rolling out.

Then just taxi your tow directly to your adjacent or nearby property.  When you arrive attach the water with a quarter turn airport ramp connector, just like they do at the airport gets, and just like I did.  Attach the sewer connector with a quarter turn airport ramp connector.  The process is so easy - it takes about as long as my description of the process.

Then push in the external power connector.  You'll also need a 50 or 60 Hz to 400 Hz power converter because grid power, depending on the country, is 50 or 60 Hz, but ship power is always 400 Hz.  Those converters are readily available, inexpensive, and very high quality from Shenzhen China.  Installation is in the electronics bay.  It's a bit technical, but not too complex.  And I can help you with it if you like.

Then add a clothes washer, a shower, and a dehydrator.  I'll explain about the dehydrator later.  Then you are ... home!

And what you're home in is an aerospace class sealed pressure canister.  Dust, can't get in, let alone insects or rodents.

There's no wood, it'll last almost forever .  With conventional homes about a hundred years is a typical lifetime.  So if you have kids, then your kids grow up, they go off to college or work whatever they do, and then they buy a new home because your home's on a downhill slide by that time.  And much more significantly, they don't want to live with you - and you don't want to live with them.  So they're trapped in a working life - they have a multi-decade mortgage to support - they have to work.  If they have kids, their kids grow up, go off to college or work whatever they do, and then they buy a new home for the same reasons.  And they're trapped in a working life too.

And so are their kids.  And their kids and their kids and their kids.  Whereas with your jetliner home, your kids are free to do other things in life.  And so are their kids, and their kids, and their kids, and their kids because the jetliner will last almost forever .

However, what I actually recommend is this:  When your kids grow up, help them establish their own jetliner home.  Now you have two.  When your grandkids grow up, you and your kids help your grandkids establish their jetliner home.  Now you have three.  When your great-grandkids grow up ... they can move into yours because you'll be a ghost by that time.  So, establish three jetliner homes and you've set your family free of home mortgages and a working life almost forever.  And they will thank you for it in my estimation!

Okay, a dehydrator, you'll have to install a dehydrator.  It's a sealed pressure canister.  Ordinary homes breathe with the outdoor environment.  Indoor humidity escapes naturally through their structure.  But that can't happen with a jetliner - it's a sealed pressure canister.  And human activity generates a lot of moisture.  So you've got to have a dehydrator.  Mine's in my climate control bay.  During the cool seasons when I keep doors and hatches closed a timer turns it on at midnight and it runs for five hours, removing moisture from the air and dumping it overboard through a native drain mast.

And you'll need one too, from the very first cool season day.  It's only 100 or 150 bucks from an appliance, home improvement, or similar retailer.  It's not a major expense but you'll need it from the very first cool season day.

Okay, what am I forgetting...

Oh, do be aware:  Jetliners are not earthquake resistant.  (long pause)  They're earthquake proof.  There has never been an earthquake in the geologic history of planet Earth which can overwhelm a jetliner's suspension system.  Not even close.  Nowhere in the ballpark.

And you already know that because you've heard news reports about earthquakes, right?  You've heard newscasters say things like:  "Oh, terrible, terrible, an awful tragedy, just awful.  Many people perished.  They were crushed by falling debris from collapsing homes and buildings.  It's so sad.  Many homes and buildings collapsed.  A bridge collapsed.  It's a terrible tragedy.  Infrastructure everywhere is damaged - the highway system, the electrical grid, water treatment and delivery systems, terrible damage everywhere, it's awful.  Oh, also, out at the international airport, all the jetliners were shaken and destroyed ."  Have you ever heard that?  You haven't, have you?  Because it never happened .  The jetliners are perfectly fine - it's nothing to them.

In fact, ordinary cars and trucks are perfectly fine too unless something falls onto them.  And their suspension systems are not nearly as rugged as jetliner's.  So earthquake proof, it's a good advantage.

Also, jetliners are not wind resistant.  They're wind proof.  The fastest linear winds ever measured on planet Earth are about two and a half times slower than the ordinary cruise speed of a jetliner.  For a jetliner, the worst typhoon ever is like a:  (Yawning) "Wow, slooow day at work."  Tornado winds reach a peak of about half cruise speed - they're no threat either.  So wind proof, it's a good advantage.

Soooo, an interesting situation:  Jetliner homes are much cheaper than a conventional home.  Yet performance metrics are far superior to a conventional home.  And they're earthquake proof.  And wind proof.  And will last almost forever, freeing your family from a working life.

And you can do it!  This (pointing to myself) is about 55 kilograms of bone, muscle blood, and maybe two or three neural connections.  If this can do it, you can do it - you can genuinely do it.  But you do have to be bold.  Many of your friends, family, and loved ones might say "What, have you lost your marbles?  That's totally crazy!  Just go get a nice stick home like everyone else!"  Don't let them deter you - if you believe in it, just do it.

But I'm not your nanny.  Follow your dreams.  Whatever they are, follow your dreams.  But this is an option you can consider.  And you can do it.

(MD-80s and MD-90s are nice aircraft, but there is a disadvantage - they're one seat more narrow - they're only five seats wide instead of six.  The floor space is about the same within in that model range - some with less floor space, some with more floor space.  And they're beautiful graceful birds, and they're equipped with integral air stairs, a substantial advantage. But they're are one seat more narrow.)

A Fairy Tale About How Jetliners Change Your Perception of What a Home Is.

19 August 2023.  Sorry but I've only completed a first round of editing through the paragraph which starts as "To your surprise..." so this last story's still very rough and in some respects incomplete.  I'll refine it further as soon as I can...

Okay, story number three.  This is a fairy tale, a summer time fairy tale.

And you're the main character in the fairytale.  So as I describe events imagine this is your life, your experience, okay?  All set?

It's summer time!  The grass has been growing.  It's time to mow the lawn.

So you pull the lawn mower out of the shed, fill it with fuel, pull the rope and vroom, it starts and you start mowing your lawn.

RRRR-RRR-RRR, everything's fine...  RRR-RR-RRRR, everything's fine...  RRRR-RR-RR-RRR, everything's fine...  Then suddenly, RRUPUP, RRUPUPUP, RRRRUP.  It stops.  Nuts...  You don't care about small engines.  Lawn mowers don't interest you.  It's just a tool and it should just work!  Okay.  What's the problem here?  It can't be low on fuel, I just filled...  Oh, well, maybe there's a leak somewhere, I guess I'd better check.  (Unscrews the fuel tank cap, looks in.)  Nope, it's full - it's not a fuel issue.  Jeez, I don't have time for this...  Oh, wait - the owner's manual said something about - oh yeah, oil - self-protection.  I remember now.  Yeah.  It said when the engine oil's low the engine stops automatically to protect itself.  Okay, this is easy - it's just low with oil - I'll just add some, no problem.  (Unscrews the dip stick and looks at it.) Right in the middle of the range, it's not an oil issue, nuts!

Okay, I don't have time for this, jeez.  (While examining the mower generally):  Okay, maybe just buy a new lawnmo...  Whoa...  What's that?  You see a widget.  It's built into the engine mechanism.  And it looks hot!  You can see heat waves emanating from the widget, and the paint around it looks a little charred.  Whoa, that doesn't look right.  I don't know what that widget is.  I don't know what it does.  But I've never seen it like that before.  That doesn't look right!  Hmmm, it looks replaceable, just two bolts - I could do that.  Everything else looks okay.  Maybe it's just that widget.

So you pull your phone from your pocket, than capture a couple of images of the widget.  You tap in the model number and the serial number of the engine and the lawnmower.  You go inside, sit at your computer, pull up ChatGPT, and her about lawnmower widgets.

ChatGPT dutifully return a bunch of information about lawnmower widgets and references where replacements can be found.  You start searching to try to find the right lawnmower widget for your lawnmower, and you're getting pretty close when suddenly up pops an ad from:  Budget Budget Budget, Budget Budget Budget Airlines!  The ad says:  "We're a new airline.  We start service in one month.  We're going to offer the lowest airfares ever.  And not by just a little bit, but by a wide margin.  For example, Fiji, round trip, $35!  Buy your tickets now if you like, service starts in one month."

Okay, this is soooo annoying.  You were getting close to your lawnmower widget, now this ad's in your face.  Sooo anno...  But...  Fiji...  Wow, Fiji.  That'd be fun!  I don't know anything about Fiji ... well, I know it's a Pacific Island Nation, but otherwise it's pure mystique to me.  That'd be cool.  But $35, can that be right?  Maybe it's a scam.  The add looks professional though.  You buy a ticket.  Your thinking is:  Well, it could be a scam, I don't really know.  But $35...  If it is a scam it's no big loss - a $35 hit won't cause any major impact in my life.  And if it's real, man, Fiji, that'd be cool!

So you buy a ticket.  Then you dismiss that page and return to your lawn mower widget search.  And after just a short time you find the right widget for your lawnmower and order it.  It costs about 35 bucks too, but it's ordered and on it's way.  Everything's fine.  So you go do other things.

Then a few minutes later it suddenly dawns on you:  I just got scammed!  I get it now - I see how it works.  Stupid - I can't believe I fell for it...  It's not just me - nobody knows anything about Fiji!  Of course they say Fiji!  That'll hook anybody - it hooked me.  And $35 won't break anyone's bank account.  I see it now:  They're not trying to steal a bunch of money from one person - they're stealing a little bit of money from a whole lot of people.  And I fell for it!  Geez."

You realize it's not really about the money. It's about being taken to the cleaners by a den of thieves.  You thought you were invincible.  Nobody could scam you - you can see a scam from 10 kilometers away.  No way you'd ever get scammed.  But you just did and you don't like the feeling - it stinks.

So now you feel vulnerable.  And stupid.  And it grinds your gears.  I can't believe I fell for a scam.  How did I fail to see it?  Am I getting stupid?  Or are they getting smarter now?  Why are there so many crooks in the world anyway!" It grinds your gears and you can't seem to let it go - angst, angst, angst, I fell for a scam...

Then finally, after about two days of this you realize:  Okay, this isn't smart.  I've already done more damage to myself by wasting two days agonizing over this than they did to me by stealing my $35.  I've got to just admit defeat, let it go, and get on with life. So you do.

And that turns out to be quite wise because as the days and the weeks move forward you're making great progress towards your major goals. And you're achieving your smaller goals.  Your friends and family and loved ones are all happy and healthy and having a really nice summer, and so are you.  And your lawnmower widget arrived.  You disassembled the old one and installed the new one, and your lawnmower's purring like a kitten again.  Everything's going peaches.

So well in fact that after almost a month, you've got a completely free day!  It's a beautiful Sunday.  All your obligations are fulfilled and all your tasks are complete.  You've got a completely free day - you can do anything you want.  So you decide to check out a good old American tradition.  You've seen other people do it - it looks completely silly - but, hey, give it a shot - see what it's all about:  An on the lawn car wash!

So you drive your car up into your lawn, you pull out the garden hose, mix up some suds, and start washing your car by hand.  And what you discover is, hey, this is okay - I get it now!  It's easy - my arms and legs and hands know what to do automatically.  I don't have to think about the process.  I can daydream while I washing my car, I'm out in the fresh air and sunshine, I'm getting some exercise, and my car's getting cleaner.

I think I like this!  I think I'll do this more often.  Maybe I'll bake an apple pie afterwards too...

So you're washing your car, thinking about all the good things that have been happening, and the really nice weather lately.  Really nice, just beautiful.  You find yourself focusing on the weather, thinking:  Wow, this is so nice, it's so beautiful.  I wish it could be like this all the time.  The temperature is perfect.  The sky is blue, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, it's just gorgeous.  It's almost like a tropical island paradi...

Fiji!  I wonder whatever happened with that?  Now you're curious.  You turn the water off, pull your phone out of your pocket and search.  Whatever became of that?  Oh, well, there's my ticket.  Okay, this is interesting.  I have a scam flight Fiji in two days!  Ha.  What do I do?  Well, I'm not going to go into another couple of days of angst about it.  It's a scam.  Just forget about it.  You made the right decision long ago, just ignore it - just keep doing that.  So you put your phone back in your pocket, turn the water back on, and resume wash your car.  Everything's fine.  And then it dawns on you:

Wait a minute.  I never verified it was a scam.  But it's not necessary, it's obviously a scam.  Mmmm, no, I never verified it - what if somehow I'm wrong - what if somehow it's a real airline, and I have a real ticket?  But I just blow it off because I think it's a scam, then two days later my flight takes off.  It goes to Fiji.  My seat is empty.  I miss my chance to Fiji.  If that happens I willnever live it down!

So I guess I'd better check it out.  I know it's a scam, but I better check just to be sure.  But no hurry - you've got a couple of days.  So you continue washing your car, then when you're finished you put the car back in the driveway, reel up the hose, and put the implements away.  Then pull your phone out of your pocket and call the airport information desk and say: Hello.

Hello, I'm sooo sorry to bother you with this.  This is soooo stupid.  I bought this scam airline flight on the internet from this company calling itself Budget budget budget, budget budget budget Airlines.  I'm just checking with you to make sure no such thing actually exists.

To your surprise, the airport information desk says: Oh, that's Budget budget budget, budget budget budget Airlines, right?  Uh yeah...  Yes, they begin operations quite soon.  Do you need any information on a particular flight?  Whoa, wait a minte, what are you telling me?  Are you saying it's a real airline, it's genuine?  Oh yes, they're in my system.  And as I said, they begin operations quite soon.  Do you need any information on a particular flight?

Oh my God!  Wow.  I can't, I'm sorry.  I thought it was a scam.  Wow.  Okay.  This is cool.  I have a ticket on there.  Inaugural flight, their very first flight.  Any information?  I can't believe it.  Any information you can give me about that?  I'd be very, Okay, I can help you with that.  Bear with me.  Just a moment.  Click.

Tap tap.  Okay, I have that for you.  Their first flight, they're inaugural flight and departs from our airport gate 56 in two days.  Destination is.  Fiji.  Fiji.  Wow.  Really?  No joke.  No, that's no joke.  Okay.  Thank you so much.  Finish phone conversation.  You a little dance because you're going to Fiji for $35.

You're going to Fiji.  What a great roll of the ice nap.  Turned out to be all that anxious or nothing.  You're going to Fiji.  Cool.  So you pack your bags.  Two days later, you hop in your clean, shiny car.  Drive out to the airport, go through tsa.  Trot on down to gate 56.  You arrive to Gate 56, you'd see a bunch of people milling around a check counter.

And above the check counter is Sein, says Fiji, Texas Bunch budget.  Yeah.  Bunch of bunches, bunch of budget.  There it's, I'm going to Fiji.  Cool.  So you get in line, you're each checkin counter and present your phone with the scans ticket and says, okay, that is valid to the breezeway and pours jetliner.

The.  The line's moving very slowly.  It's weird.  Even by American standards, it's just barely creeping along.  This is strange, but okay, who cares?  I'm going to pg.  I'm going to pg.  I'm going to pg.  Say, you creep along.

Finally, you reach a point about two meters away from the jetliner, and you know what it's like there?  The breezeway is up against the jetliner.  The door is open.  You can see a little bit of the actual working structure, the jet.  Because the doors open, the frame, the latching mechanism is exposed, is about the only time you get to see in the actual working structure.

And what you always see, of course, is beautiful sculpted aluminum, strong, heavy latches, elegant, refined aerospace technology earned your full confidence and trust.  You don't even think about it.  That's what you always see, except today, this time what is sections of two by fours, the heads of nails.

You look at the other side, same thing.  Sections of two by fours, the heads and nails.  Oh my God.  You feel yourself slipping into the Twilight zone?  I, what is that?  Oh my God.  Okay.  I don't, oh, okay.  It can't be the jetliner.  Obviously that cannot be the actual jetliner, it's gotta be something.  Maybe it's just a facade.

Oh, maybe it's a joke.  Oh no.  Maybe it's a tribute.  Oh, wait, okay.  This is their inaugural flight, their first flight, their first air, their airlines first flight, and we're going Great.  Ocean voyage to Fiji.  So it's, it got to be like a tribute to the great wooden sailing vessels, something like that.  The old technology, how we made these voyages is tribute to how we got to this age of, jet setting Now, something like that.

That's okay.  That's okay.  By this time, the line is cleared in front of you, so you take a couple of steps forward.  Look inside the cabin and oh my, Two by fours everywhere.  Oh, plant floors.  Oh, drywall.  Now you're totally spooked.  You're soloing the twilight zone.  You don't know what to think.  You don't know what to do.

You take a couple of steps back.  I'm just stand there in shock.  Flight attendant notices this comes forward and says hello.  Please board the jetliner.  People are waiting behind you.  Please.  You say yeah but I, this, oh God, I don't under what is this, what is this thing safe flight It in the suddenly realizes what's happening and says, oh, you don't know the story of budget Bunch.

Budget, budget bunch airlines.  Do you?  And you say, no, is this thing safe Flight Flighted Business says, we're a bunch of budget, bunch of bunch budget airlines.  Our mission in life is to provide airfares, which are that anyone can afford to fly anywhere.  And as we formed our corporation, we had an epiphany.

We realized we could achieve that goal if we could simply eliminate the most costly element of air travel.  Aerospace technology, it is so expensive.  So we simply side stepped aerospace technology.  We use conventional home construction technology to fabricate our jetliners, save so much money.  That's how we can afford to fly you to Fiji and back for 35.

Don't worry.  This is our first flight, our inaugural flight, but we're confident we're going to loft this baby 11 kilometers up into the sky, and then we're going to thrust her forward in almost the speed of sound.  As I said, we're confident.  We think she'll hold together, so come on board.  We're flying to Fiji.

Nervous nose goes uncomfortable.  Little bit.  Little bit.  Yeah.  Me too.  Yeah.  Every time I walk into a conventional home.  Oh, and you will too.  If you live in a jetliner for a couple of weeks, a month or so.  This will become your concept of home construction technology.  You'll never go back, just like you would never fly bunch budget jetliner.

You'll realize the only reason it seemed okay before was because that's the world you were born into.  It was like the grass and the rocks and the trees and the sky above, and that was just the way the universe was and never questioned it because it was never any different.  It becomes different and then you'll question it.

Bruce Campbell

Fact checks.

20 August 2023:  I took some artistic license class story telling liberties to try to encourage consideration of non-provincial home options.  However anyone seriously considering a jetliner home should replace these liberties with disciplined truth as best it can be determined.  Here are some to review:

1.  A jetliner home will last "almost forever":  This is a fictitious claim with only minimal foundation.  It might be true in the sense that a jetliner home might endure several centuries or more under near zero metal corrosion conditions, whereas most conventional homes endure for very roughly one century or less.  The intent of the statement is to distinguish the endurance metrics of a home fabricated entirely from modern metals, polymers, and other synthetic materials from a home fabricated mostly from organic wood materials which generally naturally decay.  In my personal estimation a jetliner home in minimal or near zero corrosion promoting conditions is likely to endure far longer than a wood frame home since wood naturally degrades under almost any conditions, and my experience with my 727 home suggests a hint of merit in such an appraisal.  However at least several additional decades of actual jetliner home experience are needed to appraise endurance comparisons reasonably credibly.

2.  'A jetliner may be flown to a neighbor's large ranch or farm then towed intact to nearby property':  This presumes that authorities will permit such a flight.  I presume there are no fundamental prohibitions on the basis that such landings are quite common for small aircraft and so far as I'm aware there are no aircraft size thresholds above which such flights are generally prohibited.  However I've not researched this question.  Perhaps ChatGPT could enlighten us...

3.  More fact checks planned...